Topless Cleaning Lady (Allegedly) Steals Lingerie

The owner of a 'Topless Cleaning Service' in Bangor, Maine, was recently arrested by Bangor Police Officer Dick Polk for allegedly swiping unmentionables from a local business in Bangor. Here's the post from the Bangor PD about the incident. Yes, it's lengthy, but it's funny:

When I read this case file and discovered that the owner of this fledgling enterprise was arrested by Officer Dick Polk (yup, that’s really his name) for shoplifting several “naughty underthings” from a local purveyor of same, I was disappointed. I jumped to the conclusion that the business plan did not really match the printed advertising materials. No, I don't know who their graphic design firm is.

Polk found that the owner/operator of-Topless Cleaning- (noted by two stars in the accompanying flyer) had stolen garments that would fully cover, support, and contain much of what her business title promised her customers. She was also had bail conditions because of prior police encounters and experiences.

It was only then that I realized that even someone involved in this burgeoning market would need a business wardrobe in order to present themselves in a professional and proper manner upon the initial approach to the customer.

My mind drifted back to a simpler time in America when the lowly Fuller-Brush salesmen of yesterday would carry all their wares inside the safety of a quality case. No one wanted all those brushes just moving around willy-nilly in the back of a Plymouth Business coupe. Products could become damaged, lose bristles, or become shop-worn. Then discounts would have to be applied. Not a good business practice.

If the brushes were to reveal themselves to the customer prior to the sales pitch and accompanying demonstration phase, the sale might not go through.

Insurance is not the only coverage that this type of business needs. I also pondered the possibility that a enterprise like this one would do much better without the normally coveted- Double (or triple) A rating.

Polk photographed the well-crafted advertising flyer and duly noted that several of the easy tear off tabs had been removed by individuals who had dirty dwellings and possibly dirty minds.

I have no idea if there are any other FTE’s involved in the company plan, but if you did have your heart set on a full “top to bottom” cleaning of your crib, you might want to grab a mop-because this woman won’t be showing up with buckets and sponges anytime soon.

She was arrested for the shoplifting charge as well violation of conditions of release. Both were Class E crimes. How serendipitous.

We did not find her cleaning supplies…those must have been kept somewhere else.

We cannot judge those who feel the need to have their rugs cleaned by a person that always shows up ready to BYOB (Bring Your Own Bleach), but we can tell you that sometimes this kind of service comes with risks. Always ask for references.

In this case, and many others, we advise everyone to keep their hands to themselves, leave other people's things alone, and be kind to one another.

The Bangor Police Department Facebook page can be found here for more entertaining reads.