
Michigan Winters Cold as HELL or Cold as HAIL?
Maybe you've seen this debate on social media—it hasn't left my feed since I came across it. Is the correct phrase 'Cold as Hell' or 'Cold as Hail?' As a lifelong Michigander and someone who loves turning a phrase, I felt the need to look a little deeper than Reel or TikTok can take you.
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So when it comes to describing the bone-chilling, soul-sucking, core-freezing temperatures Michigan endures during the 17-month-long winter, which is correct, hell or hail?
The Case for 'Cold as HAIL'
Hail is, without a doubt, frozen. We can all agree on that, right? It plummets from the sky in icy pellets that make Michiganders with expensive cars pucker and fret. From dents to dings to making you wonder why you live here in the first place.
So saying, "It's cold as HAIL," makes perfect sense—hail is literally cold. No argument there.
The Problem with 'Cold as HELL'
Now, "cold as hell" sounds catchy, but let's think about it. Unless you're referring to Hell, Michigan, Hell is traditionally depicted as a fiery inferno of eternal suffering. So how did the term become associated with freezing temperatures (aside from what we perceive as eternal suffering during our 37-month-long winters)?
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It's like calling the desert "wet as the ocean." It doesn't make a lick of sense.
But Wait...Some Hell's CAN Be Cold
Here's where it gets weird. Some religious text describe a section of hell called Zamhareer, a place so miserably freezing that it tears apart unfortunate residents. So technically, hell does have a cold side, which means "cold as hell" might not be entirely incorrect—but let's be real, "cold as hail" still makes more sense.

The verdict? If you want to sound smart (or pretentious), go with "cold as hail." If you want to keep using "cold as hell," at least you know you're standing on thin (on possibly flaming) ice.
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