Go Home Winter, You’re Drunk: 11 Signs Michigan Needs Spring

While some may prefer to phases of the moon, tilt of the Earths axis, or scientifically supported data to determine Michigan's desire for warmer temperatures and less hazardous driving conditions, I like to look for more subtle signs.

11 Signs Michiganders Are Ready for Winter to Stop - Just Stop - Please, Stop

1. Once immaculately groomed sidewalks and driveways are haphazardly cleared and give the appearance of a job done by an angry shoveler.

2. Snow comes out of nowhere. Even meteorologists are left scratching their heads after Mother Nature goes on an all-night Two-Hearted Ale bender and dumps inches of unexpected wet slush, sleet, ice, or…whatever, on innocent Michigan residents.

3. Sidewalk salt budgets and daily scoop allocations are reevaluated and monitored as the last bag is rationed for the remainder of the season.

4. Bathing suits in snow pictures are seen more frequently on your social media feed, often with cowboy hats or tiki torches, as Michiganders plead with Winter to go home.

5. Grilling begins despite having the appropriate weather conditions. Big Green Eggs and charcoal grills are dusted off and dragged into the snow as Michiganders satisfy the need to cook food over an open flame.

6. Bonfires become more plentiful. Once again, the primal need to stand by and watch something burn while consuming a beverage can only be contained for so long before we gravitate to our natural habitat.

7. Michiganders ‘snow vision’ is nearly perfected, thus negating the need to clean off the WHOLE WINDSHIELD, because your sight is so perfectly tuned to the conditions that you adopt the ‘porthole driving’ method, which also saves time when clearing white powder from your car. Which leads us to…

8. Snow Stupidity has set in, in Michigan. This condition will cause a once cautious to forget how to drive in Michigan winters. They just…forget. About snow. And how to drive in it. Snow and ice are as slick in February and March as they are in November, December, and January. We just…forget.

9. We are elated when we have degrees. Most of the time we have no degrees or we actually owe degrees. Seeing a temperature NOT preceded with the word MINUS is a reason to break out the cargo shorts, tri-tips, and White Claws.

10. Eventually refusal to dress for winter sets in, and many Michiganders will begin wearing seasonally inappropriate attire, like cargo shorts and t-shirts…maybe even sandals or Crocs.

11. You are instantly enraged when you find out someone is going on vacation. While you’re pleasant and wish them safe travels to their face, you’re secretly hoping they find a cursed idol at their beach destination.

How many of these signs have you seen or exhibited yourself? Are you ready for a Pure Michigan Spring (potholes, mud, and brown grass never sounded so good!).