Victoria’s Secret is Closing 53 Stores – Here Are My Fun Stories About Working There

I was a "sales assosciate" for Vicki, but I never learned her secret.

I did learn, however, that a lot of guys who come in there are NOT SHY about asking you to try stuff on because you're "about the same size as my wife/girlfriend."

Yes, that's true. This happened to the super hot employees more, but it DID happen once to me...and it was a D-list celebrity. Dustin Diamond, aka Screech from Saved By The Bell stopped into the store (in Wisconsin, where he's from) and asked me to try on a teddy so he could see "if it would fit" his girlfriend. I politely declined.

You can add that to the "list of things that were somewhat acceptable in 2001 but not anymore."

To be fair, he came to the Milwaukee County Zoo, also where I worked, with his girlfriend a few months later and yes...we were about the same size. Still, no.

Let's talk about those panty tables. Yes, panties - not underwear. We were taught to say that because Vicki is fancy. 

One of the WORST FEELINGS as a VS employee was standing there for 15 or 20 minutes at a time, putting together the panty tables, arranging them by size (the thongs and g-strings were the hardest to fold, simply because of lack of fabric), walking away from said table...and watching some lonely housewife tear through EVERY PAIR and toss everything aside until she found her size cheekers.

We hated every one of you for that.

And then, there were the returns. Ohhhhh yes, the returns. Ladies, we're not blind. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THAT BRA? It's worn. It's fuzzy around the pits. It's faded and stretched, and you're telling me that you wore it once and it "didn't fit."

Or the woman who came in once to my register, with a pair of cotton briefs in a Ziploc bag...without a receipt. I didn't argue, because it wouldn't matter. I gave her an in-store credit so I didn't have to touch said panties, which promptly made their way to the garbage.

We used to have contests where, if we could memorize all the information about VS's newest brand of bra, you got a free bra and panty set. There was a tiny little booklet with all the talking points, and if you could pass the quiz, you got the goods. It was always nude because nobody ever bought that color.

I haaaaated weeknights that I was on-call, because you could bet your butt they'd want you to come in. Retail jobs seem to be hit-or-miss with that; some places NEVER bring in their on-call employees. Not Vicki, though. On-call basically meant "plan on working." I don't even know why I called first.

Yes, we got an employee discount. Although I probably didn't deserve it, considering how inaccurate I was at measuring women for bras. That was the rub - "Welcome to Victoria's Secret! Did you know that 80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size? Let's see if you're in the RIGHT size!" You measure them with the tape measure that you carry your neck and then you try to sell them a bra. Problem was, I sucked at that. After selling two bras that were the wrong size, I relegated to the register and the fitting rooms.

Anyways, it was an interesting six months. I quit because, frankly, I liked my job at the zoo better. Farewell, Victoria. And good job keeping your secret.